How Well Do You Listen? Take the test.
Have you ever had someone nod in understanding at what you’re saying mid-way through you saying it, and you have the feeling they think they understand you but didn’t actually get it?
A really easy way to help anyone feel heard is by:
listening to what they’re saying to you (duh)
- then repeating it back to them in your words (duh but can be tough, right?)
The actually listening thing is an easy concept, but not always so easy in practice. Some people are soft spoken. Some take a few minutes to get it out. Sometimes what they’re saying is kind of boring, and you have 50 things you should be doing right now.
When you attempt to paraphrase someone’s thought, you don’t have to get it all right. They could answer back “well, that’s sort of what I meant, except that….”
In that case, you will listen again, then repeat back in your own words again until the person agrees.
Try this exercise right now:
Imagine you’re having a talk with someone on your staff about their idea for a program. Read what they say, then write it out in your own words without looking back at it. Here’s an example:
EMPLOYEE: "OK so here’s my idea. I think it would be wonderful if we invited all of our members to a farm dinner to celebrate their support. It would be in September when it’s a little cooler, and we could pick everyone up and drop them off in a chartered bus from the Upper West Side. “
YOU: “So your idea is that we’d have a farm dinner for our members in September to celebrate their contribution to the organization, and we’d make it super easy for them to get to the farm by providing a bus at a centralized point in Manhattan.”
Now you try. Read each employee quote, then without looking, summarize what’s been said:
“ I’m having a problem with Teddy. During our marketing meetings, he always has his video and sound off, and sometimes he doesn’t talk at all. I don’t want to come across as a tattle-tale or anything, but I feel that it’s compromising the whole team’s work.”
“ I’m feeling really worn out by the end of the day. Being on my feet all day used to work fine for me, but ever since my injury it’s been kind of rough. Do you think we can talk about figuring out a way for me to be on my feet less but work the same hours?”
“ Thanks for asking. I don’t have kids yet but my partner and I have 3 cats, 2 whippets, and 2 finches right now, although one of the birds, her name is Mitzy, isn’t doing very well, and the vet bills are crazy.”
How did you do? Did you lose interest at all? Get distracted? Just couldn’t remember? It gets easier with practice. Try it out with a real person tomorrow :)
